Good evening, and welcome to the 2020 Repugnican Convention. But first, a word from our sponsors, Vladimir Putin and Goya Beans.
We are brought together this evening to show that it can happen here in America. This is not about politics. This is about a man. Donald “J. for Jabba” the Trump, Dear Leader Who Shines More Orange than the Sun. Because as all real Americans agree, what matters, what really matters, the only thing that matters, is Trump.
An inspiration to us all, Donald Trump has shown, by the life he has led, that in America, one can rise above adversity. If you just pay someone to take your SAT and go to work for Daddy keeping black people out of your slum landlord apartments, if you just inherit three quarters of a billion dollars from Daddy and blow it all on parties at Jeffrey’s and on casinos designed…
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